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Building Suspense
Rolled snail-lishly
Or perhaps protectively
Taking the fetal position
Waiting for just
The right moment
To pop
p.s. For those who have asked about Luke, I rode him today and he was awesome! Lazy yes. But awesome. Not a cough or even a snort. And one of the boarders told me Luke raced with two other horses from out in the pasture to the barn the other day, and Luke won. He is so busted on milking this Heaves thing. Which made me very happy! He is such a wonderful horse.
We were promised a sunny weekend. They lied.
But we did have a frosty fairy tale morning on Saturday.
I only caught the tail end of the crystal coating
As I was in bread and cookie production mode in the early hours. Comfort food…

I have ridden Luke twice in the past week. The vet said to do with Luke whatever I used to do with him. I haven’t gone that far yet. I can feel he’s still not 100% and he tires quickly.

He doesn’t cough now, just snorts and blows for a bit. We have trotted and cantered, with frequent walk breaks. Maybe I’m being too careful, but I’m going by how he feels to me and taking things slow.

Despite what I’m reading about how heaves is controllable, I don’t feel like I have anything controlled — not with Luke and certainly not with the rest of my life.

I walked with the Brew Babes today for a long time, trying to free something trapped inside my chest and wrapping around my stomach.

Surrounded by mud, ice, and shades of brown, there was nothing worth taking my camera out of its bag to photograph, except for the Brew Babes themselves in a shady spot with a bit of snow white.

I concentrated hard to keep my feet moving, without slipping or tripping, and let the tears fall that I’d been holding back for days. I felt a bit of the tightness loosening.

And when I looked up, I found something worth shooting in the sky.
There’s always something if you look patiently with your heart.
p.s. Thank you for all your kind wishes for Luke. It’s meant a lot to me.

Well, let’s get the bad stuff out of the way.

I spoke to the vet on Tuesday and Luke does have Recurrent Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, better known to horse owners as “Heaves”.

It was one of those conversations where I lost it after the ROPD news and when the vet said something about some level that is normally at 13% but in Luke, it’s at 42% and that’s significant, his words started to sound like blips and bleeps.

There was nothing in the test results indicating allergies or an infection.

I’m a little off balance. A little knocked off my feet.

I remember how Luke looked when I got him, rain rot and all.

Someone at work told me that maybe it was time to sell Luke to cut back expenses. For one thing, you can’t sell, or I can’t sell, a horse because he’s sick or because the board and vet bills mean I have to give up other things.

Luke got me through a very tough time. I won’t abandon him. I know how bad that feels. We’re going to trail ride this year. He can depend on it.

The plan is that I pick up two medications from the vet tomorrow — Desamethasone (a once a day injection to be given for at least 20 days) and Ventipulmin (a syrup given twice daily for 7 days). Cheryle will give the morning medication (the injection and syrup), I’ll do the evening (the syrup). Thank God for good friends who are always there to support me.

Luke has not coughed since the test was run a week ago, and I jogged with him on Saturday with no resulting cough, so perhaps the good news is that we’ve caught this early, can control it, and Luke and I will still have our adventures.

My son called me Tuesday night. He’s in heavy need to find another place to live in New York. I’m pulling for a good place for him and hope you will too. He’s got a place if everything goes through. Good thoughts, good thoughts, good thoughts…

Talking to my son helped. The anchor of a bit of family. I miss him so much. I have decided that no matter what, I’m going to see my kid this year.

For better news, kind of, I submitted a story to an anthology for Polish writers. Okay, so I’m not Polish technically but my adoptive mother was Polish, and I was told I was Polish when I was informed that I was adopted so technically…

Anyway, the submission to the anthology was due January 31st and as is my usual style, I ran it right up to the wire. I learned why I have such a hard time submitting anything. Okay, so I procrastinate, but I also have a hard time with story endings and I edit the hell out of my writing and it’s still not good enough to me.

But the total “woo hoo!” is that I submitted. Fingers crossed.

And I’m going for a repeat performance in February as soon as I figure out where to submit and thus, what to write.

Let’s lighten up…

Last Saturday, I went to yoga in the morning, then rigged up a leash configuration to walk the dogs hands free so it was easier to take photos and save my shoulders.

We took a different trail than usual and had fun checking out the pond that Luke and I have explored during the summer.

Then Cheryle and I went cross country skiing in the snow dust. Desperate snow times require desperate ski measures of glide, glide, glide, SCRITCH on grass, glide, glide glide, SCRITCH! Whatever… It was so awesome to get out on my skis!

To all of you who are struggling with problems, my heart aches for you and I think of you often. I hope you know whatever happens you will handle it. You have so many people who will be there for you. Count on it.

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