Just Over the Hill
So many memories put away.
Need to go through them.
No, not today.
My Mom’s china,
My son’s artwork and toys,
Just start sorting through it,
One of life’s little joys.
Pieces that remind me where I’ve been.
Memories of things
I thought I’d never go through again.
I take another look
At the piles of stuff.
Turn and walk away,
For now it’s too tough.
Escape with my horses,
Take a walk with my dog.
I know that eventually,
I’ll be in less of a fog.
And then I’ll deal with it.
I promise I will.
I can see the time coming,
Just over the hill.
The sermon at church yesterday was called “Don’t Give Up!” It was the third sermon in a series focused on helping people cope with hard times brought on by the economy or other circumstances in people’s lives. The big question the minister tried to answer is how do you not give up when things seem hopeless or you feel like the circumstances you’ve been handed are just too much to bear?
His message was just what I needed to hear and I spent Sunday feeling so strong and hopeful. I was afraid it wouldn’t last, and it didn’t. Not because what was said wasn’t valuable and lasting, but because grieving is a process that doesn’t take you in a straight line upward. And there are times when I question how the heart can hurt so much and continue to beat.
But tomorrow, more than likely, I will feel great again. I have a lot of good company in these up and down moments. In Psalm 31:10, David writes, “My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction and my bones grow weak.”
While in well know Psalm 23:6, David writes, “Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
David had a lot of ups and downs, as did many in the Bible, and as many of us do today.
No matter how great you feel, or how organized you are, or optimistic, confident, and together you are, there is going to be “stuff” that happens that hurts you, makes you angry, and sometimes levels you. But there are good and bad ways to look at those events and to handle those times.
Often, I have blamed God. “Why me?!” I ask. Am I such a bad person? I wonder why I’m being punished. And what’s next? Because as soon as I feel happy and relax for a moment, BOOM!, I’m hit with the next earthquake.
But am I really singled out? From what I read in Blogland, no. Circumstances vary, but the suffering itself is not unique.
I’ve been told all my life that God’s love and presence in your life is all that you can really depend on, and my life experience says that this is true. The struggle is whether God is enough. I’ve been left with a hole the size of the Grand Canyon inside me, and I am so tempted to sign up with E-Harmony and have them send some men my way. That will fix me right up! I wish I could insert a beeper sound effect here. AAAAH! Wrong answer!
In the sermon on Sunday, the minister read 1 Corinthians 10:13 – “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful, he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”
The temptation for me, besides to join E-Harmony, is to simply give up — to crawl into bed and never get up again. To stop eating and see if I can completely disappear. And, by the way, I do eat! I find the weight loss actually interesting from a mind versus body standpoint. Can grief literally eat away at you? I hope not, but I imagine this will eventually turn around also.
Back to 1 Corinthians 10:13, which says that God will not allow us to face more than we can bear. He will provide a way for us to stand up under it, be that by giving us strength, a word of encouragement from scripture or from a friend, or by giving us a new day with renewed hope and better perspective.
As abandoned as I may feel at times, I have to acknowledge that all those things I listed above have come my way and helped me feel better. Even this blog, starting it when I did, so it was there when the divorce announcement was made. I get so much enjoyment and inspiration from reading about so many amazing lives. So much talent, generosity, and wisdom out there.
And that’s the wonder of the hard times, how you end up noticing and appreciating the people in your life so much more. You find out what’s really important and what isn’t. You find out what is truly lasting and what is just an unimportant distraction.
Eloquent and honest as ever my friend. You’re impulse is right– e harmony will still be there when that hole in you has been filled with a whole and healthy YOU and your new life still on the way to you.
You are so insightful. I bet you’re helping a lot of people with your posts. Hang in there sister.
I’m not religious in the same way as you are so I have never had that to help me through hard times. Buddhism most closely describes my belief system: immerse yourself in the here and now, fully experiencing it. Even the bad stuff. But, also the good stuff. So, by that philosophy, it’s pretty important to do the things that you love, even in the tough times, otherwise you only have bad stuff to focus on. My impression is that you’re doing a great job of that – doing things with Java and riding your horses. Writing your blog – and you’re a great writer, girl!
We’re pulling for you.
Sue – Thanks for the compliments. Your blog has been a big help to me. It’s both funny and inspirational. I hope what I write will be similarly helpful to others.
KB – I’ve been through a bunch of faiths and beliefs and also ascribe to what you are saying about being present in the moment (or mindful), and fully noting and experiencing it all. I find wisdom in many places and get a great deal of insight from reading all the information you provide about nature and how you deal with loss and difficulties in your life. You are a wise woman.