From My Higher Place

Maery Rose

I cannot know what this time, this circumstance, a loss, a gain is going to mean to the entirety of my life. Why do I waste so much time resisting my circumstances instead of looking with eyes that see neither negative or positive but just go ahead and live each moment as though it is exactly where I should be?

Do you know how it is when you meet someone and you just know you’ll be friends? Or you apply for a job that is exactly what you’ve been looking for? Or you move to a new place and something clicks and you are so happy because it just feels so right and so perfect?

And you just know this is exactly where you are supposed to be and these are the people you are supposed to be with!

Then maybe years down the road, something changes — there are layoffs at work, a friend moves away, you have to relocate to find another job — whatever it is, the change of something that was SO perfect can leave you dazed and uncertain.

How can this perfect thing, this thing that was meant to be change?!

Was I totally wrong and it was never right in the first place? Can I not trust my instinct, that gut feeling that sometimes hits me so strong?

And sometimes, when one thing falls away, I think, “Okay, I give up. Forget the country, cowgirl thing! Or the half-ass settling for being a suburban, gardening, chicken wrangler! I’m going to move to an apartment in the city, wear dresses and high heels, and trade in all my old, antique, wood furniture for unblemished, no history or memories, modern glass and plastic edgy stuff! Yup. That’s what I’m going to do.”

Until I look at it from my higher place out in the snow and pine trees. Stopping and standing to feel the sun and take in the quiet and breath.

And then I get down low.
Because there is wisdom down close to the ground too.
Where I see a tug of war.
A struggle.
Such confusion!

To want something so bad and feel like someone else has what you want.
Or is taking the one good thing you had going for you! And certainly, there isn’t enough to go around.

Or is there?

If all else fails,
– stop –
– look –
High, low
and in between

Most likely
you’ll find something
eye-catching
interesting
or just plain weird.

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17 Comments

  3. So glad I saw the link to your blog on FB. I’ve been bad about staying connected to people of late. This post hits really close to the bone, Maery. I understand, well at least I can try as everyone’s stuff is different. Just know deep in your bones that your instincts really are good ane you will find your right place/time/space again. Also know that you touch people everyday in an important way, even if you don’t know it. -Beth

  5. Wonderful, as usual my dear. High, low and in between if we stop and pause long enough we can always find the blessins right where we are!

    I miss bloggin’…but my life has been filled with ‘life’ so full, I’ve had to room.

    God bless and enjoy your day you cowgirl, you!!!! :o)

    1. And we miss your blogging presence! Always glad to hear from you and hope that what your life is filled with is something beautiful.

    1. Thanks Lori. I’m trying. Sometimes money concerns make me wonder whether I should own a horse but it’s not a question I need to answer today.

  7. I can feel your angst. Change is hard but it’s sometimes good. Beautiful photos and lots of wisdom in your words. I hope that you find peace.

  8. I so understand all you speak of here, had it all happen more than once, and that’s how you remember to trust. These images, Maery, make my heart sing! Your view from up high on your beautiful pony is perfect and down low with your pups, so very sweet! Especially the last shot, oh my!! I wish I had your way with words just so I could tell you how amazing your writing is.

    1. “That’s how you remember to trust.” Ah, you do have a way with words — as you’ve got that exactly right. Thank you so much for your encouraging comments on my photos and writing!

  9. Oh GOD I laughed so hard when I saw the last photo of Java and the STICK SMILE! I so needed that!
    And yes, wisdom comes from the unexpected…and so does appreciation. Such thoughtful words Maery. I can relate to change being so hard. How easy it all was when we ( or I should say I) were young. I could change on a dime! New boyfriend , new job…
    Not so any more… I have to search for the thing that made change easier then. Perhaps it is the level of pacing out in the mean ol’ world. : )
    Lynn

    1. Lynn, I had the same reaction to the last photo of Latte, completely cracked me up. it was one of those surprising photos that I hadn’t realized I’d taken. I do believe the powers that be send us these laughs when we most need them.

      And you’re right. I think back when we were younger, with more time to make corrections if a decision went south, we felt more freedom to take risks and less things actually felt like that big of a risk.

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