We the Fatigued

We the Fatigued of this Earth, in Order to survive a more perfect Union of work and personal life, establish moments of Doing Nothing, to insure inner Tranquility, provide for the defense of free time and Fun, promote the general Welfare of mind and body, and secure the Blessings of just being ourselves rather than a brand or a selfie or a cog in the wheel of commerce.

“Growing old isn’t for sissies.” I’m sure you’ve heard that before.

When I was younger, the challenge was to get promoted – to get a job that paid enough to make ends meet or to work overtime or have two jobs to get by. I was busy trying to prove myself.

I now wish I hadn’t wasted so many hours of my life in that pursuit, but what’s done is done.

Now I’m not as willing to sacrifice my life for my job. At my age, there is no carrot hung out in front of my nose to spur me on. And even if there were, experience has told me promises are broken and even those kept are not worth the price

I don’t do things to try and get ahead anymore. Now I do things simply to try and keep up.

No one wants to admit that their brain is not as agile at juggling tons of information coming from all directions as it used to be. I’m overwhelmed by fear that there is some key task I’m going to miss, some detail I’m going to overlook. I’m afraid I can’t keep up the pace thats been set for the entire length of this race that I’m running.

I know I can’t work harder. So I try to work smarter, making spreadsheets of what I need to do, when I need to start the task and when it needs to be done. I try to keep up with my list and not let the distraction of more wood being added to the fire and the ping ping of my email and the phone ring ringing and instant messaging boxes popping up from one to three people at a time. All those things that try to blow my list and work plan to smithereens.

I come up with crazy survival tactics. Things that take me away from what feels out of control to something that I think I can manage. Something that will build my confidence and strength, taking me out of my head and into something physically real.

And then, with all my attempts to de-stress through physical activity, I find at a point that maybe I need to just take some time to do nothing and rest, which is not easy to do if you are a busy brain like me. But it is what you do if age has managed to give you any wisdom at all.

Eagle and Great Horned Owl are from the U of M Raptor Center