How to Ruin a Perfect Day with Imperfect Self-talk

Last Saturday, I went to a four hour workshop on making and using flower essences. In addition to the teaching, we did yoga, guided meditation, stream-of-thought journaling, a guided outdoor flower walk, and ate lunch.

We would have spent more time outside but there was a steady rain with lightening and thunder accompaniment, so we spent most of the time in a yurt. We could feel the thunder vibrating the floor, where we sat on our yoga mats. It was like being touched by grounded electricity and the power this energy carries. At the same time, the rain and bird song were breath and peace.

The technique to make flower essences was different than I expected. I thought it would be similar to the way you make herbal tinctures, where you pull out medicinal elements by submerging the herbs in a liquid, such as alcohol, vinegar, or glycerin and generally waiting for 6-8 weeks. But the process is quite different.

I learned that all plants have a unique energy pattern and that energy can be drawn from the plant and used in healing. There isn’t a physical part of the flower in the remedy. The healing power is based on the belief that people are more than a physical body. We are also made up of energy and the flower essences can help balance our energy systems.

You may be familiar with Bach’s Rescue Remedy, which is a mix of flower essences. Bach’s use of flower remedies dates back to the 1930s.

We meditated on a wild rose blossom that had been brought inside and was floating in water. The intention was to listen for guidance as to what healing properties the flower’s energy contained. Not everyone making flower essences follows this step. Some move right into placing the flower(s) into a bowl of water, which is placed into the sunlight (or sometimes the moonlight) for three hours.

I don’t have any faith in my intuition so I didn’t expect to pick up anything from this meditation. Still, I meditated and then wrote down any thoughts that came to mind. This is what I wrote:

“I feel you in my heart, as though you can help lift the sadness in me – help me move past acceptance of my fate and move forward. Your fragile beauty is reflected in all of us. As your petals drop away, so do fears. Your stems are laid bare, but you remain securely rooted. There will be more blossoms and they too will fall away, but there is always more beauty to come.”

When I looked up Bach’s description of how to use the wild rose essence, it said, “The Wild Rose is for people who have accepted all that life throws at them and just drift along. The remedy helps reawaken our interest in life… Instead of apathy we feel a sense of purpose that brings increased happiness and enjoyment.”

Hmmm, I was closer than I expected…

I went to the class to find connection and community amongst people who love nature and plants like I do. To be with people who are open to things you can’t necessarily see but something inside you tells you it’s there. A safe place… And that’s what I found.

I met two women I’d never met before. Megan Mastel is knowledgeable about herbs and permaculture  and also teaches yoga.

Amy Jensen led us through one of the best guided meditations I’ve ever experienced. She does energy work, Astrology, and yoga instruction.

I knew Rachel Nudd from my many visits to Will Heal Farm and previous classes I’ve taken there. Besides her work on the farm, she practices Oriental Medicine and Acupuncture as well as other healing services. She also teaches Qigong, which I’ve wanted to learn about for a while.

I left the workshop feeling awesomely happy and energized. I was excited about what I had experienced and learned, the new people I had met, and was looking forward to the next class and the possibility of  taking permaculture courses in the future.

All was great until I realized I had made a mistake when I purchased a few flower essences to take home. There were instructions on the table that when I read them, must not have hit the “process, understand and act” region of my brain, if I even have such a region. From the number of times I have misunderstood instructions, I’m beginning to wonder.

We were supposed to take drops from the bottles on the table and put them into the small drams put out for us to fill and take home. Me, I took the bottles.

When I revisited the table instructions (I’d taken a photo of them) they hit my previously unavailable brain, and I realized I’d done the wrong thing. I panicked. I know how hard they work on the farm and I felt ashamed that I had “cheated” them. My mind was racing with “How do I fix this?” “Why are you such an idiot?” “Why do you always screw up a good thing?”

I tossed and turned all night and only managed to get in five hours of sleep before I was up and about, still trying to figure out how to make amends.

I’m sure you are thinking by now, well, just tell Rachel what happened and tell her you’ll bring the bottles back. Which is the decision I came to after a whole lot of self flagellation. And it was fine. It had actually been her intention that we take the already filled bottles.

The day before this happened, I had journaled about how part of learning and growing is making mistakes and perhaps looking/feeling foolish. But I was learning to not judge and condemn myself for these mistakes. Or give up on myself and quit because what was the use of someone like me even trying?

But hey, I only fell a short distance before I landed on a ledge. And there was a bush growing out of the rock wall and I was able to pull myself back up.

I’ve been having a tough week, which is why it’s taken me until Friday to publish this post. I’m at day 28 of my 100 day journey. I’ve been ready to give up on myself a number of times. But I haven’t and will write about that next time.