Maery Rose? Are You Kidding Me?

That’s what things look like in my camera viewer now and obviously, in the photos too. I think I’ll be going to the camera store to see how fixable this is or if I’m better off replacing the camera. For now, no more photos…

The weather has been crazy and it’s starting to make me a bit loony too, or should I say loonier. Somehow April and May weather flip flopped so now it is colder, rainier, and a whole lot windier than it was in April.

I hope the weather cooperates and I’m able to take Luke to the park this weekend. It’s been two weeks since I’ve been able to ride so I’m not thrilled about making my next ride be the first one out on the trails, but this is an emergency! I need to regain my equilibrium, and I know the trails will do that for me. Well, unless I get dumped.

And why am I so off balance? A combination of events I’m sure. A couple of us who are most worried about losing our jobs almost had a heart attack when we saw our HR representative in a closed door session with our manager. Generally, not a good sign. Still, they need us for at least two more years, so I’m going with believing we are all getting a promotion.

Then there’s just dealing with returning home, getting back into the routine, and missing my family.

Plus, ever since I got home, I’ve been battling a cold, complete with raw throat, headache, dizziness, runny nose, and lack of energy. This makes me cranky and emotional for some gosh darn reason. I’m hoping I’ll snap out of that soon. At least the sore throat and headache part have gone away.

And to top it all off, I have started the process of getting my name changed on identifying documents and accounts. I knew I’d get reactions to my name change from people I know, like the people at work are now calling me Ma-eerie because of the new way I’m spelling Mary, but I wasn’t expecting questions and comments from strangers, like people at the social security office, bank, and DMV.

I’ve been asked, “Can I ask why?” “How did you derive your new name from your old one?”

Okay, why bother to ask whether you can ask if you have already asked? And why are you asking? Why do you care? And would you please get that disapproving sneer off of your cute, little, 20-something face! Just wait. It could happen to you.

Just a wee bit more confirmation that I’m slightly emotional and sensitive lately.

My reply to little chicky-poo was that I changed my entire name because I’m tired of being asked if I’m related to the Olson twins (you know, Mary Kate Olson). Or being asked whether I have a pink cadillac (Mary Kay cosmetics). How about that I changed my name just because I can?

Then there was the woman at the social security office that looked at me, looked at the form I filled out with the name change on it and asked, “Divorce?”

Okay, why that assumption? Do I look like someone a man would kick to the curb? Is it not possible that I just got married?

Okay, over-reacting again. It’s probably more common that overly-emotional divorced women change their ENTIRE name, not happy, enchanted brides. So that’s probably the reason for the assumption. Yeah, that’s it…

So maybe I am coping with my change in circumstances in a silly, immature way. I suppose I should be more sophisticated and together “at my age”.

Well, I’m not. I wanted something different, something pretty. I wanted a name to laugh and smile about. And it really comes down to the moment when I first met with my attorney and she told me I could change my name, MY ENTIRE NAME, to anything I wanted.

The tears stopped for a moment and I said, “Really? My whole name? To anything?!”

For a writer, a person who likes to create people and worlds and stuff, this was exciting! It seemed like a promise of possibilities, of a good change coming out of a bad change.

I may not be the shiny agate I used to be. Maybe I’m more like metal that’s been put in the fire and pounded into something “interesting”. And if my new form doesn’t work out, Hey! We’ll just heat things up again!

I think of the name change as a shiny new wrapper — we won’t mention what it’s covering up.